Saturday, November 22, 2008

The Disasters of War

Gottfried Helnwein's The Disasters of War 13 2007
mixed media (oil and acrylic on canvas)
In memory of Francisco de Goya

via Define Irony?

Yesterday I was so happy to have a full week of vacation and many plans ahead of me, but then my life took a U turn to Hell. I’m still processing the damage. I broke up with my bf and wish I could reverse it all, but it appears I cannot. There go my Thanksgiving traveling plans. He made me so happy, but somehow I managed to ruin it all. Perhaps there are some people who are meant to spend their lives alone. After so many failed relationships, I think I might just be defective. Perhaps I should just give up on them altogether and get back into painting or something instead. Currently I'm simply in shock from the loss.
Adding insult to injury, I accidentally dropped my non-Vista laptop on the coffee table and the glass shattered as did the laptop. I can’t stop crying.

16 comments:

Akubi said...

I like to murst myself.
On the laptop issue, the screen seems to be damaged and reflects the broken glass the laptop fell into and I don't understand why. The laptop was closed. Any thoughts on what the problem might be?

Akubi said...

I wish I could undo the damage, but I guess it is always there ready to happen.

Happy Slashing said...

The movies always get it wrong, so I thought I'd give the correct procedure to you fellow noders. Just something to think about when you feel you have contributed all you can to everything.

Before you embark on your new journey, you must first be in the proper frame of mind. Ask yourself the following questions:
Are you feeling suicidal?
Do you feel there is no other way out of your misery?
Is there nothing at all you'd rather be doing?
Do you have a very sharp straight razor?

Make sure you answer these questions honestly and carefully, because you won't get a chance to change your answer later on. If you did answer 'yes' to all the questions listed above, then you are ready to slash your wrists.

In the 24 hours preceding your suicide, drink several glasses of water. This will help enlarge your veins and make it easier for the blood to escape when you make your cuts.
Go and get your straight razor. If you do not have one, I strongly recommend going out and buying one. Use your credit card. A scalpel or fresh X-Acto knife will also work. The important thing here is that we are looking for a sharp object. You are going to be cutting your own flesh here, and if your utensil is not sufficiently sharp, the cut will be painful, and you won't have the inclination to do a proper job.
Fill a tub with hot water. You want your water to be hot enough to plump up your veins and keep them open as your blood escapes, but not so hot that you will have trouble relaxing. Bath oils will also help here.
Now you're almost ready to slash your wrists. Strip down, lay back in the tub, and try to relax. The hardest part is coming up, so be sure to think of all the pain and suffering in your life, and how much better you'll be when you end it all.
As soon as you are ready, take your right arm and turn it palm side up. Hold your razor in your left hand. If you are left-handed, reverse these instructions. It is important to make the first cut with your bad hand, because otherwise, in two steps from now, you'll need to slash your good hand with a hand that is both unfamiliar and draining of blood.
Place the tip of the razor on your forearm, about two thirds of the way from your wrist to your elbow, with the blade facing your palm. Now slash down, along the vein, towards the wrist. Make sure you slash straight down. You don't want to sever any tendons for your hand, since you'll need the use of that hand in the next step. Too many hollywood movies these days get it wrong and show suicide victims slashing across the wrist. This is impractical, because
It is harder for the blood to escape your body, and you will die more slowly, and in more pain.
If you slash as deep as you should in this way, you'll sever your tendons, and you won't be able to perform the next step.
(You might want to print out this writeup and keep it next to the tub as you do this).
Quickly place your razor in your right hand and repeat the last step for your left forearm.
Congratulations! You have successfully slashed your wrists! Place the razor next to the tub and lie back into the warm water. Don't think about how you are now going to die, since that will only make you panic. Instead, focus on the growing peace and tranquility inside your body as the loss of blood makes you steadily weaker.
Other issues to keep in mind before you slash your wrists:

Have you written a proper suicide note?
If you do use bath oils, make sure they aren't the kind that use aromatherapy to make you feel better about yourself. That would be counterproductive.
If you live in a dorm, or if you have any family members in the house, make sure that you have locked the bathroom door. This is not the kind of procedure that your friends can help you with.
And above all else, remember: have fun.
Happy slashing!

Edgar Alpo said...

Hi akubi,

I'm sorry that you are unhappy now. The holidays are the worst time to have the blues. I hope you feel better soon.

Akubi said...

@Happy Slashing,
No thanks. If I fail I won't have a job.

Hi Edgar,
Thanks!

Edgar Alpo said...

Happy S. may be overdue for a visit from old Doc Karma.

Edgar Alpo said...

ps: I hope happy s. isn't you akubi. Are you okay?

Akubi said...

Hi Edgar,
Yes, I'm OK as can be considering everything. I'm heading over to my parents' place at the beach. Their new puppy should cheer me up.

edgar said...

the palin turkey fiasco, the other white meat.

FlyingMonkeyWarrior said...

Dear Akubi,
You have just described the reason I am a confirmed single chick.
I never have to break up with anyone again (so sad), and I can have lots of guy friends. As many as I want, forever.

I know how you feel and I am sorry that you guys are apart. It really hurts.

The puppy's name? I am certain that said puppy(s) will always be loyal, unconditionally, to you.

Dosen't help I know, but nothing helps but time and choosing your new path.

Hugs.
~FMW

Peripheral Visionary said...

Akubi, sorry about your loss. The good news is that there are very good, very committment-oriented men and women out there; the bad news is that they're already in a very committed relationship with somebody else. But laptops can very readily be replaced. :)

From your previous post, the Tavi blog is very cute. But somebody's behind the camera taking the pictures, and I suspect they're behind much more than the camera. In fact, I'd be willing to bet on a very high level of parental involvement. The end result is very impressive, but I fear this is yet another case of what children's fashion designers call "mini-me", the obsessive mother who dresses her daughter up as a younger, smaller version of herself.

Santa Flipper Clause said...

Ho Ho Ho - It's Santa Flipper Clause

I'm sorry to hear the bad news, Akubi.

Anyway, keep the blog(s) up, I like their content.

Santa F. Clause

Akubi said...

@FMW,
I was so much like what you describe, but a little part of me opened up. Whenever one makes oneself vulnerable, one is crushed – at least that’s been my experience - and then when one doesn't one is considered desirable. Such a silly game.
Yes, I love the unconditional love of dogs.
The new puppy’s name is Amelie (based on the film) – she’s actually my parents' baby and not mine.
Dosen't help I know, but nothing helps but time and choosing your new path.
Actually, it does help and I’m in the process of choosing my new path.

Akubi said...

@PV,
The good news is that there are very good, very committment-oriented men and women out there; the bad news is that they're already in a very committed relationship with somebody else.
Very true.
Although, my non-Vista laptop is semi-functioning now, I’m tired of looking at the shattered LCD, so I’m investigating another one – not sure if I can fit 3 on my (now fixed) coffee table though…
Regarding Tavi, I had a somewhat similar observation, but I still thought she was cute.

@Santa Flipper Clause,
Thanks for the encouragement. What was that mountain you summated? Perhaps training for something like that could be my new path.

Akubi said...

@SFC,
Just noted typo after posting: I meant summited.

Akubi said...

@Happy Slashing,
Do you think it will work if you just stick to your left wrist to be safe?