Thursday, January 29, 2009

Snowflakes and Crap

Snowflake via PICDIT

Craigslist Men Seeking Women:
To the woman that crapped in my car… (NE Portland)
We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Tad

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…


Original post quoted above was reposted here after being taken down.
via BuzzFeed

Bella sings for you.



21 comments:

Edgar Alpo said...

Cue the music.

***MURST!!!***

na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na na

Edgar Alpo said...

Music

flowycrap said...

Shizzle... first date panty stains...

I knew it --- those Cajun Tots...

Shoulda stuck with the undressed salad and water...

God... how does he get the stain out of a leather seat... is it permanent?

Do you think he will post about this on my Facebook page?

MURSTFART! RETRACT!!!!!!!

Akira said...

Hi Edgar!
I thought you were referring to The passenger hence You Toooobz post updates.
Regarding post-car thoughts, I thought this Jetson-esque pod-like monorail idea seemed rather interesting, but most of the commenters seem to suggest that anyone who does is smoking crack or something.
Thoughts on electric SkyTran systems, Unimodal, etc.?

Hi Flowy!
I highly suspect Facebook is a Dick Cheney-esque project he fully intends to continue to overseeing.
For anyone who has ever attempted dating via Craigslist, I thought it was a beautiful metaphor whether or not it in fact happened as described.

flowylook said...

Me wanta ride in the unimodal with Iggy... thepassenger...

Dating viaCraigslist? Sometime I read them and think wow lots of QUICKIEQUICKIE hunters...

Often see --- very young man looking for "experienced" woman... I have a girlfriend who does it all the time... uhmmm...so efficient... ??

Akira said...

Hi Flowy,
Me wanta ride in the unimodal with Iggy... thepassenger...
Agreed.
Thank God I never f-ed or crapped on someone I met on Craigslist.
Before it was syndicated - or whatever the ff they did to it - Nerve was fun and free.

Akubi said...

Hi Flowy,
i guess i'm floating has some of Lykke Li's mps's and such. She sure doesn't look like the Dancey one in the video I like to post.

Anonymous said...

boring.

Anonymous said...

Chewing your foot off like a trapped wolf is perfectly normal these days.

Akubi said...

Woohoo, more books arrived in my pile of stuff to deal with:
The Cage
Outsider in Amsterdam
Murder in the Sentier

It is nice to get mail you actually want on occasion.

wakeyflowy said...

I'm awake and back in this world... kinda...

Nice books Akubichoco!

Is that a chewed off foot in the corner? How it get there?

Edgar Alpo said...

Iggy

Akubi said...

@Flowy,
As far as the books, I've been rather obsessed with international crime/mystery novels lately - particularly Japanese ones. I wish they'd hurry up and translate more of them though.

bookflowy said...

Akubi...

Booklover...
Crimereader...
Boo!

Akira said...

Hi Flowy!

In other news, I find this very bizarre: Octuplets' mother has 6 other children.

She already had 6 f-ing kids and was receiving fertility treatment. WTF?
In addition, it appears that she lives with her parents and there's no mention of a husband. How does she expect to possibly raise 14 kids?!

Akira said...

I did a bit more digging and the octuplets story gets even worse:
When asked if he knew who the father of the baby is, the neighbor said, "She is single. She used a sperm donor, someone she knew, who donated sperm a long time ago. He donated the sperm for the first six kids and she used his frozen sperm for these one. I don't think the sperm donor knows about these eight kids. He was not involved."

According to the neighbor, the parents are very supportive of their daughter and even lost their own home in an effort to support her. "The parents lost their house supporting their daughter," the neighbor went on. "They actually bought this house for her, but then they lost their house supporting her and her kids and they had to move in with her. And now her father has to go back to Iraq to earn more money to support her. Her father either works as a truck driver or an interpreter [in Iraq]."

As to whether the mother herself works, the neighbor says: "She's a professional student and I want to know where the money's coming from to do this. Maybe she's using her student loans to do it."

Akira said...

And worse...
It was reported yesterday that the family of the octuplets filed for bankruptcy less than two years ago and subsequently abandoned their home. It is thought that they are now receiving government welfare.
...
The marital status of the mother is unknown. Neither is anything known about the octuplets’ father. Also a mystery is how the mother could afford the estimated $100,000 (£70,000) cost of an IVF birth.

octoflowy said...

Akira///

This is an amazing story and shows why we are headed into the nationcrapper///

"It took a team of 46 doctors and nurses at the Kaiser Permanente Medical Center in the Los Angeles suburb of Bellflower to deliver the octuplets — six boys and two girls — by Caesarean section. The eighth infant came as a surprise."///

Who will pay the hospital bill for octoneonatal?///

Who is the unlucky spermgiver?///

"FIND HIM NOW" Katie Couric growls at her execproducer...///

Jerry Springer rolls over on his chaise lounge and sighs thinking... "how could I stage a confrontation between the spermgiver and the grandfather? maybe in Iraq on location?... he strokes the thigh of the luscious babe next to him... hmmmm...

Akubi said...

Like everything else, I assume there must be a black market in fertility drugs, because I can't imagine any legitimate clinic treating a woman who 6 kids, isn't married, doesn't work, lives at home and collects welfare. A black market for invitro fertilization is a scary thought.

fridayflowy said...

Back alley invitros?

Mail order kidneys?

Strip mall liposuction?

Markets, markets, markets.

Flowymarkets.

Edgar Alpo said...

Fishnet Friday!
Fishnet Friday!
Fishnet Friday!
Fishnet Friday!
Fishnet Friday!
Fishnet Friday!
Fishnet Friday!
Fishnet Friday!
Fishnet Friday!
Fishnet Friday!
Fishnet Friday!
Fishnet Friday!